In Rememberance of my Father in-law

This is what I wrote to say for my Father in-law Allen Chansky at his funeral Aug 27, 2010.


When I first met Allen nearly 18 years ago, I was kind of intimidated by him. I'm not going to lie-He was nice, but he seemed big and scary to me. Janice was immediately warm and welcoming, but Allen...was well, Allen....little by little we warmed up to each other.

Still, I was surprised at when at a friend's wedding he asked me to dance. Not just that high school shuffle kind of dancing either... Who knew he was actually light on his toes and a very smooth dancer? I remember thinking back then that if Mark and I ever got married, he would be a good father in-law to have.

In 1995, when Mark was thinking of asking me to marry him, Allen was the one who brought up the possibilty of me converting to Judiasm. It was a bit of an emotional struggle for me at first because my religious upbringing was very sentimental to me. And there was a part of me thought that Allen would never truly accept me if I wasn't Jewish.
Mark and I took months and months of classes where we learned about the religion...and I fell in love with it. I realized that even though I hadn't been born Jewish, I was meant to be Jewish and converted in 1996.

In Allen's final month, we had a lot of discussions and I got to know more about him than I had in the years that I knew him. During one of our conversations he told me that he was glad I converted, but he would have accepted me into the family either way. But in my heart, I have known that all along.
He also wanted me to know that even at his age, I had helped him to change the way he thought about certain things.

Mr. Chansky had a big part in changing lives of the lives many of you who are here today. Particularly his beautiful, kind and loving wife Janice, his "younger" (twin) brother Harvey and his wife Lucie along with their children. Larry Alpert and his family have a life long friendship together... And of course his remarkable sons- Neil and Mark, as well as his daughter in-laws Eta and myself.
He will always be remembered as a kind and loving Papa by his grandchildren Gabriella, Daniel, Drew, Elijah and Chi.

Whether you called him Allen, Big Daddy, The Mister, or Mr. C- I know you all have special memories of him as well and will remember him in your own way.

In closing I would like to share some parts of the song "For Good" ... I found it to be very fitting for today....it's from the Broadway play 'Wicked'- not that I think Allen is wicked or anything, ha ha....it just seemed so fitting....

'I've heard it said people come into our lives for a reason, bringing something we must learn.
And we are led to those who help us most to grow if we let them, and we help them in return.

Now I don't know if I believe that's true, but I know I am who I am today- because I knew you.
So let me say before we part- so much of me is what I've learned from you.
You'll be with me like a handprint on my heart.

And now whatever way our stories may end, I know you have rewritten mine by being my friend.

Who can say I have been changed for the better? But because I knew you- I have been changed for good. "

Goodbye Dad. We all love you and you will never be forgotten.
Thank you all for being here today.